// Movie Date Ruined by Raucous Teens!

After weeks of sending messages to this hottie on Plenty of Fish, she finally agreed to meet me in a public place. Player tip: when messaging ladies on POF, be persistent, and always include a current version of your resume. I decided that we would see Beauty and the Beast 3D, because what lady could resist a man who loves Disney films? My blonde hair was neat and my outfit was freshly pressed by my mom the night before. She loves to go on Duncan duty and make me look so good for my date nights; she keeps on mentioning that she is worried that she’ll never be a grandmother.

Anyway, I met my date around 8:30 at Wings. I ordered mine extra spicy, for obvious reasons. My date, Christina, was really nice and was also a big fan of Smallville, so I had lots to talk about. Then, it was off to the movie. On our way to the theatre I put my arm out for her and she took it! I got a bit of a boner but luckily I had worn two pairs of undies so it was hard to tell. There was no way I was making the same mistake as last time.

We got to the theatre and I declined popcorn. I wasn't feeling that hungry, as my stomach was going crazy from those hot wings. We got a spot right in the centre of the empty theatre (just the way I like it).

Then all of a sudden, a bunch of "hipsters" came strolling into the theatre like they owned the place. They sat behind us which was just great because they had obviously been drinking or doing drugs and wouldn't shut up.

Finally the previews started and just as I was about to tell her how excited I was for the next Pixar film, one of those assholes started literally yelling their laughs out of their mouths. I mentioned to my dear Christina how rude I found it when people laughed loudly in the theatre, and she just shrugged and smiled. What a sweetheart. However, there was no way I was going to let these “cool cats” ruin what she listed as one of her top five favourite films in her profile.

The film started and as soon as the logo flashed on the screen the entire row started whooping and hollering. I took a breath and clenched my fists. It wasn't two seconds later that two of the more drunk hipsters started singing along to the opening song “Little Town” as if they spoke French.

I turned around and explained forcefully that they should be more considerate; after all, I paid $15 to hear Belle, not them! Thinking they would listen to reason I turned back around. Now my date would know how committed I was to making this movie romantic and memorable.

The hipsters would not cease. I was then mocked, and no McDavin takes being mocked sitting down. We weren't even halfway through the Gaston song before I had to stand up and tell them more forcibly that they shouldn't be singing along and laughing so loudly. At this point, my date was notably nervous about the hoodlums behind her as she sank deeper into her seat and covered her face with her hands. Of course they didn't stop, so the next step was to involve the authorities.

I got up and walked hurriedly out of the movie; partially out of anger, partially out of habenero chicken necessity. Leaving the washroom I found a theatre employee and asked him to give me clearance to their security division, as it was an emergency.

Albert, as his name tag read, informed me that he was the only security for the night. He certainly wasn't a very imposing figure; he couldn't have weighed more than 120 pounds, and was covered in acne as a result of years of serving up hot liquid butter. He frowned at me when I mentioned that they were laughing and singing along loudly, so I knew he was taking it seriously. He said he would need to get back-up to deal with a situation of this magnitude and walked away. I smirked knowingly as I sat back down; the hipsters had obviously noticed me talking to security and that had at least put a damper on their shenanigans.

It wasn't long before they started singing along and laughing just as loudly as before. At this point I was getting anxious for the security squad to show up. Anyone laughing and carrying on like that in the face of certain ejection from a $15 movie must have been smoking PCP or METH!

Finally, I saw Albert poke his head around the corner again. I ran down to point out the perpetrators and save the remainder of the film for my date.

Albert was standing there with a younger, pudgier female version of himself. “Who is making the noise, sir?” I pointed to the two loudest people in the row, the blonde girl and the gay, explaining once again that they had been laughing and singing along too loudly.

“Okay, if anyone else complains we can call someone in. In the meantime we can refund the price of you and your date's movie; with this in mind, please try and enjoy the rest of the film.”

It was a double-edged sword; I had won and I had lost. The film ended and we left without looking back. I offered to give my date a ride home but she insisted on taking the bus; she wouldn't even accept the cash refund for her ticket.

I finally got home and when I went online I noticed that Candygrl91 had erased her Plenty of Fish profile. Thankfully, I had her full name and was able to find her on Facebook. Overall, it was probably my best date ever.

Duncan McDavin (duncster69) 

Enjoy it? Share this on Facebook


© 2011 The Capilano Courier. phone: 604.984.4949 fax: 604.984.1787 email: editor@capilanocourier.com