Media portrayal of demons could lead to the end of civilization
// Michael Bastien

Ever since the Hellmouth was opened below Capilano University and a handful of demons have made their journey back to the land of the living, the local media has negatively portrayed hell-spawn, painting the entire group with one bloody brush.

“Uninformed people assume all demons are evil because we don’t agree with some religions and love the taste of human meat. This prejudice is making integration almost impossible,” explains the Leechmonger, media scrutinizer for the Hell's Union Group (HUG). “In other cities like LA or Bangkok, when portals have been unintentionally opened, the story is always the same: people react with great interest. As soon as the media picks up the story, it's downhill from there. One young human gets skinned and has their organs ceremonially rearranged to summon a primeval dragon, a wonder for all, and the next thing you'll see is a front page spread demanding all demons be banished to the depths.”

“Outside of the sex industry Demon employment is at an all-time low,” explains Rubicante, high ranking member of HUG and executive manager at American Eagle. “Us demons are just trying to make a living for ourselves. … People just don't understand our customs.” With the opening of a new hellmouth, demons are forced to integrate or be hunted down by a handful of demon slayers wearing trench-coats.

“Demons can contribute a lot to the world,” Rubicante insists. “Tall and winged demons can help customers reach products on the top shelf, and also clean those hard-to-reach areas. All demons learn arcane magic at a young age. Modern medicine will be revolutionized once we incorporate necromancy!”

However, many employers are still reluctant to hire demons. One employer of a popular fastfood chain who asked that we hide his identity had this to say: “It's their physical appearance: they're intimidating, [and] many aren’t fluent in English. This is Canada! And they all have that smell about them, the hell-stink or whatever, it's disgusting.”

There are few avenues of employment where demons are in demand and all most all of them are sex-related; for example, demon pornography is growing in popularity. Some of the most popular titles include 2 Succubi, 1 Goblet and Overlord Baal Balls Bitches. Because of the stigma, and resulting stigmata, sex with demons is mostly confined to gang-run prostitution rings. In cities with more established hellmouths, tentacle orgies have been popping up in warehouses and community centres during after-hours. In a recent bust in Los Angeles, some attendees reportedly paid up to $5,000 for one hour at the mercy of a gelatinous milli-tentacled Glabrezu. “It was totally worth it, I never came so hard in my life,” said Fox Mulder as he was escorted away from the scene by police.

Due to the increase of inter-deity sex, and as a result of confusion over demons reproductive systems, there has been a recent boom in halfdemon births. Torn between ethereal planes, parents are unsure how to raise their children. Rubicante explains, “Many half-demons are shunned by their parent’s family. It’s unfortunate, because half-demons have the strength, agility, and magical talents of a demon, but they keep the physical appearance of a human. It’s pretty bad-ass.” In a recent press release, HUG explains that media portrayal of half-demons contributes strongly to their outcast position in society, using the example of half-demons Dante, Inuyasha, and Hellboy who “are all portrayed as demon hunters, maintaining the stigma that pure demons are still evil.”

Across the country, demons are petitioning to have the government acknowledge their right to exist on earth. As a result of the media portrayal of demons, prejudice forces most demons to return from whence they came or work in the underground sex trade. Leechmonger finished his interview with the Courier with this to say: “If the media continues its bias toward my brothers and sisters, we will rise up and eat every last one of you. Your congealed blood will pave the streets of a new dawn, and all will be engulfed in fire and plague.”

// Michael Bastien, Writer
// Illustration by Stefan Tosheff

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