Are dangerous and bad at grammar


Old people, for generations, have instinctively been afraid of anyone who falls in the age range of thirteen to nineteen. Several recent events, however, have left many old people confused about who to really be afraid of, and most shockingly, have even caused many teenagers to go public with fears for their own safety.

Twids. They are half-child, half-tween, and according to grade ten Argyle student Steven Longpole, they are out of control. “It’s scary. You see these kids coming down Mountain Highway and you just want to walk to the other side of the street. They’re always in groups. It’s very intimidating. I know a few friends who have been jumped by them.”

Longpole also notes that since these children started hanging out in front of his local corner store he no longer has anywhere to smoke cigarettes. “I’m afraid to even walk by the store,” he says, also mentioning that he now has “nowhere to steal chips.”

What is even more disturbing for teens like Longpole is that many of these children are, in turn, having their own children. Take, for instance, four foot tall Alfie Patten, a now world-famous thirteen-year-old British schoolboy, who became a father last February when his girlfriend Chantelle gave birth to daughter Maisie. When asked how he would support the child, Alfie was unsure, although later mentioned, “my dad sometimes gives me £10.”

Despite this strong show of support from Alfie, it was later revealed that Chantelle had slept with “at least five other lads” and that the baby was not his. Even so, it is worrying to think about how a thirteen year old would support a child. Longpole worries that “it takes a long time to get a World of Warcraft character up to a high enough level to sell and many of these kids don’t have the discipline for MMORPG’s that we did when we were younger. I’m afraid they’ll become even more dangerous, turning to crime to feed their families.”

Unfortunately, the most dangerous twids are not the ones desperate to support their families; in reality, the most treacherous ones are those that do these wild things for fun.

In April 2008, one particularly shocking case made news around the world. Latarian Milton, a seven-year-old Palm Beach Gardens, Florida native, stole his grandmother’s car and went on a joyride that involved hitting multiple mailboxes and several parked and moving cars. His destructive journey ended only after the car hopped the curb and crashed into a sign.

When questioned, Latarian said: “I took my grandma car because I got mad at my mom. And then I saw my friend and he come in, and he smokes with cigarettes.” When questioned by a reporter if he knew his actions were wrong, Latarian replied, “Yes, but I wanted to do hoodrat things for my friend. I wanna do it ‘cause it’s fun. It’s fun to do bad things. Drive into a car.”

Despite these chilling events, Vancouver child services worker Leandra Levingson-Gould says that teenagers like Longpole should not be afraid, citing that these are two highly extreme cases, and that Latarian faced “terrible, terrible, repercussions” for his actions, citing Latarian himself, who declared he wasn’t allowed “no video games for a whole weekend.” She also points to the Yahoo! Answers forum, where many fantastic parents can ask pretty much anyone for advice on how to raise their children. Levingson-Gould points to one question on the website that reads: “My son got 2 Fs on his report Crd the other grades wer good. Should I take his cell phone away?” This, she says, “shows that people are effectively using communal parenting, which is what lemurs do.”

Time will tell if Levingson-Gould is correct, yet many teenagers are hedging their bets. Longpole for one remains unconvinced, and maintains that he’ll still be extremely wary of anyone who “looks younger than him” or acts remotely “suspicious.”

//Mac Fairbairn

Enjoy it? Share this on Facebook


© 2011 The Capilano Courier. phone: 604.984.4949 fax: 604.984.1787 email: