THE VOICEBOX Vol. 45 Issue 18

Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to, or texting (778) 886-5070.

“Polling my friends to find out ‘Who is your favourite diva?’ Personally, I gotta go with my girl Mary J. Blige, but Janet was a close second. So I ask you, Voicebox, who is yours?”

Wow, yo. We are in two completely different diva realms. In my 2012 list of “top divas”, Mary J placed #98 and Janet didn’t even chart! Let me tell you some of my favourite selections.

#1. Beyoncé. I can’t believe there is a question, but for those of you who need confirmation, I would highly recommend laying in your bed in the dark, turning on “I Miss You”, and counting exactly how many drops of tears exit your now-emotionally-raw eyeballs. She also coined the phrase “Diva is a female version of a hustla.” Not certain I agree, but props nonetheless.

#5. David Bowie. The ultimate man diva! Bowie had a lollipop thrown in his eye at a concert and his sassy response was “That was my good eye!” What a good sport. He also wore a Zoo York hoodie on Ellen once, visually declaring, “Look at all the fucks I give.”

#7. Shakira. Completely underappreciated on so many levels, but I really don’t know how one person can simultaneously combine smart, sexy, and endearing. She does it! I challenge you to contest that. Also, watching the video for “She Wolf” alone is one of the better choices I’ve made in the 21st century. Legs wide open in a cage isn’t necessarily setting women ahead, but she’s not a woman she’s a WOLF, you idiots.

#29. Kelly Clarkson. Haters gonna hate. I think it’s sufficient to say Kelly looks like the type of girl who could out-Jagerbomb the best of us, and I’m pretty down with that. She also refuses to update her wardrobe, and there’s something about her commitment to early-2000s era “peasant” fashion choices that has gone so far into embarrassing territory that she’s made it awesome again.

#31. Alanis Morissette. When I was 13, “Jagged Little Pill” meant the world to me. It’s still pretty much downright perfect. I saw her in concert the day Obama was elected, and even years removed from her rage stage, she still swung that hair around like nobody’s business.

#86. Kim Carnes. I know absolutely nothing about her other than she sang “Bette Davis Eyes”, which is the greatest song of all time. That alone is enough for me to assume she’s awesome.

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