It's like skateboarding mixed with rollerblading... except that it's upside down... and it's in space. You guys, unfortunately, will have to wait a while experience it, as it was invented towards the end of the 24th century. After its inception, Boardblading replaced all other forms of conflict. The notion of “war” no longer exists, except in the Boardblading arena. Boardblading matches are used to settle everything from terriotorial disputes (in space) to inter-personal grudges. Although, I'm not sure they could be considered “inter-personal” if one of the concerned parties is a robot. Nyuk nyuk nyuk. Sorry, just a little bit of 29th century humour for you there.


Unlike the pathetic, regular oxygen that you currently breathe, or even the Satisfactory-Oxygen that came after that, Super-Oxygen does the following things: 1) works as a complete dietary supplement (meaning you don't have to eat), 2) replenishes your physical and mental energy (so you never need to sleep), 3) consistently renews your body cells (meaning you never age or die), and 4) gets you high. The high you get from Super-Oxygen is like a combination of marijuana and ecstasy, so you're always laid back, but also horny. Unless you're a robot, in which case you are incapable of feeling anything at all. Ha! Ha!


This one's hard to explain. I can't even use an adequate metaphor for it without using complex 29th century language, but I'll try. Okay: picture a duck. No, wait, a cactus. Okay, picture a cactus. Now explode it. Then take its cactusy remains, and build them into a new cactus with your brain. Now, imagine that you can do that with the Internet. That's essentially how we accidentally discovered the Externet. Everything that was 'in', concerning the 21st century Internet, is now essentially 'ex'. Like I said, it's hard to explain, but it has come to be known as the single greatest achievement in mankind's history. Notice that I said “mankind,” and not “robotkind”. In case you can't tell, I fucking hate robots.


Before its release, many predicted that Rebirth would be nothing more than a misguided 'concept album' from a popular entertainer on an apparent drugged-out power trip. Boy, were you guys wrong. Rebirth not only changed “modern music”, it changed the world. After becoming the only album to ever sell 6,700,000,000 copies (more than the world's population at the time of its release), its creator was crowned Supreme Emperor of Earth. Thanks to the eventual discovery of Super-Oxygen (and his subsequent immortality), Emperor Weezy now rules the universe with an iron fist. While I may not agree with his pro-robot policies, one would find it difficult to find fault with his handling of the Qui'eelz-qxerp crises.

//Xexyz Mxazklipow

Time Traveller

Enjoy it? Share this on Facebook


© 2011 The Capilano Courier. phone: 604.984.4949 fax: 604.984.1787 email: