Catapult them at your enemies
W\hat better object to catapult over the castle walls during a siege?
Uggs are large, heavy, and terrifying-looking. I bet if you soaked them in pig
grease they would stay on fire long enough to at least hit at least a couple of peasants.
Eat Them
It’s the new celebrity diet. Only 8.3 calories per boot! Recipe: Cut into strips,
throw into a pot of boiling water, let simmer for half an hour, remove from pot and serve into pasta dishes, garnish with something green, pick up fork, place boot between teeth, gnaw until you can’t gnaw no more, swallow. Repeat process until the Uggs are gone.
Turn Them Back Into a Sheep
Turn them back into a sheep. Make a frankensheep. I mean, if you had a whole bunch of human skin lying around, the obvious thing to do would be “sew it back together and make a zombie robot”. Aren’t Uggs technically just a whole bunch of sheepskin? Reanimate a sheep. I’m just saying.
Hide a body part
Do you have a particularly ugly nose? Extremely chapped hands?
Uggs are remarkable for their ability to completely disguise anything you place them on.
Ugg nose > Ugly nose, every time. Actually most impressive is the Ugg boot’s ability to disguise human feet. People won’t even know you have feet under there! It’s genius!
// Sarah vitet,
writer
