Fuck Da Police

Aramark is a fat, greasy baby, and you are a box of digestive biscuits. You are being savagely eaten. Stop letting it happen.

Aramark is stealing from you. Four dollars for a slice of pizza, nine dollars for a burger and fries, three dollars for a drink, it’s undeniable that their food is despicably overpriced. The monopoly Aramark holds over all the food on campus has given them total power over every hungry student in need of sustenance. They hold food hostage behind absurdly elevated price tags, taunting you to spend your hard-earned cash dollars. Imagine! The target market is you, the students, most of whom are going to school full time and working part-time, if you are working at all. They want you to overspend what little money you have on a ten-dollar meal of pizza and iced tea? Don’t do it.

You could steal something. They don’t make it hard. Eat a cookie while they are making your burrito. Put a muffin in your pocket. Pour your coffee and go straight to the condiments counter. It’s not going to make the prices go up, either, so don’t worry about pizza costing $8 in the future. They price their food as high as they think you will pay, it has nothing to do with what it costs them. If you steal something, it’s you getting more for your money. It’s Aramark taking less of your minimum wage paycheck.

It is primarily the lower-income students who are forced to eat at the cafeteria, as well. We all know how long it takes to bus anywhere in North Van, so if you take public transit, going off-campus for lunch really isn’t an option. The only students who can afford to leave Aramark’s domain are those who can afford to drive. Basically, Aramark is taking lots of money away from those who have the least of it.

Of course, I’m only pardoning theft from major corporations – places where the workers you interact with are so low down on the company food chain that they might as well be the product on your lunch tray. If you are going to steal, do it from the corporations that don’t care about your needs, but want your money. Help redistribute the wealth from the few to the many. You are Robin Hood. Aramark is the Sheriff of Nottingham. Greg Lee is King John, the coward who lets it all happen. You know what you have to do. 

The punishments aren’t even as severe as they could be. Where Robin Hood faced execution if he was caught, if you get caught stealing from the cafeteria you’ll simply receive a warning and a possible ban from their stores. Fear of consequences isn’t even an issue.

Don’t be a dick to the workers, of course. They aren’t any different in their jobs than we are in ours. Be sneaky. Make it a game. Feel entitled to the food because you should be entitled to food. You are a student and you aren’t going to be taken advantage of anymore. So what are you waiting for? Go in there and make a statement. Get some free food and help to push against the tyranny of the monopoly.

//Sarah Vitet

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