Top 4 things about Jennifer’s Body that were hopefully self-aware jokes

The Dialogue.

I could be cynical and directly make fun of a film like Jennifer’s Body, like any other male writer but that would be crass. Oh wait, crass, that’s used in the movie. The word. Someone says it. She makes a point of saying it. She says it in a sentence and then automatically defines it to the people around her as though they are lowly sea scum to her sperm whale-sized vocabulary. See! The dialogue is smart, not stupid. This is a film that’s aware of how smart it is!

The Plot.

Such a plot could only survive in the presence of extreme ironic subtext because, left to fend for itself in a film world where you take things seriously, it would be seen as stupid. Stupid to the point of third generational inbred stupid. But this film is too clever to take anything seriously. Rather than a disenfranchised youth having to deal with pregnancy, we’re given a devil worshipping indie band who sacrifices Megan Fox as a virgin to Satan so that they may become rich and famous. Effects of the sacrifice still work for the band, but the deal with Fox’s simple butchering backfires because she isn’t a virgin and instead of dying becomes a demon who is sustained by the blood of overly trusting young men. So what I’m saying is that the plot does a good job of hitting that stupid enough that it might all be part of some clever joke” mark. Again, this is a movie aware of its own smartness-making.

Megan Fox.

Fox is hot. Or at least, this is what I’m assuming the film is trying to tell me. The film says that Megan Fox is the type of girl tailor made for a film about a bitchy bisexual high schooler with an insecure sense of power. But it’s interesting because she isn’t what I’d consider sexy. Sure, Fox is hot, but in the most boring of ways like she was put together by a focus-group who were given nothing but Maxim magazine for reference. Yet this is a story about an attractive woman feasting upon unsuspecting and ultimately undeserving males who were just teased with the possibility of sex with anything that wasn’t their own hand. Fox’s dull hotness is turned up by the fact that she is doing nothing more than killing young men who were only guilty of thinking for a split second that they had a chance with someone that was out of their league. So, what I’m saying is that this movie put me in touch with my inner masochist.

Girls Kissing.

One of the main selling points of the film is a scene that dedicates more than two and a half minutes to the leads Amanda Seyfried and Fox. The reason why this is one of the best moments of the film is because it’s one the Internet now, so you don’t actually have to see the film. Or better yet, why not just go on the Internet? You should check that thing out. I guarantee you that you’ll find something good.

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