XOXO XX XY: Swollen Members Looking a Little Limp

Last week was kind of heavy, and next week gets even heavier. That’s all right, thinking is good for you. But sometimes, in the midst of all that, we need some comedic relief. That’s why, for shits and giggles, I’m going to talk about Swollen Members. The Vancouver hip hop group have hired three porn stars to appear in a hardcore video to promote their new single, aptly titled, “Porn Star.” There will also be a re-edited non-explicit video, featuring the same three women. I’m not even going to touch on the whole thing about whether or not porn is okay, because, well, I think it’s a played out debate. Much like porn stars appearing in rap videos. 
“The idea of leaving the club with a hot girl is age-old,” said Swollen Members co-founder Kiley ‘Prevail’ Hendriks in an interview with The Globe and Mail, “but the fantasy of leaving with a porn star is something brand new.” Really? Really?! Men wanting to sleep with porn stars is new, and not around since, oh, I don’t know, the beginning of porn? Okay fine. I really don’t think I need to touch that one. But what he should be saying is, Eminem got a lot of press for having Jenna Jameson and another adult star in a music video, and long before that was Snoop Dogg's Doggystyle, which was the first hardcore video ever listed on the Billboard music video sales chart. Somewhere in all that, there were also hardcore videos by rappers Mystikal, Too Short, Ice-T and Yukmouth. Now it’s Prevail, Mad Child and Rob the Viking’s turn. 
The three adult film stars who appear in Swollen Members’ chef d’oeuvre du cinema are Sarah Jessie (Sex in Your City, Tits Ahoy 7), Veronica Rayne (Milfs Lovin Milfs) and Brooke Haven (Fuck Me in the Ass and Say That You Love Me). I will give Swollen Members credit where credit is due; they chose some of the best women in the business, from what I can tell. Veronica Rayne was nominated for this year’s Best Group Sex Scene at the Adult Video News (AVN) awards, and both she and Brooke Haven were both nominated for AVN’s Jenna Jameson Crossover Star of the Year award. Sarah Jessie, meanwhile, is a shoo-in for next years AVNs with her role as Groupie #4 in This Ain't the Partridge Family XXX.
From what I can tell, Swollen Members have no real part in the video, except setting up the oh so sexy sex jams. Here's sample from their new song “Warrior”: “I’m a gladiator with the power of substance abuse/Mix some coke and oxycotin just for something to do”. At least Snoop Dogg offered up his Claremont, California mansion as the set for Doggy Style. Swollen Members instead decided to rent a $12 million dollar penthouse for a weekend. Boooooring. I wonder if they’re even going to be at the shoot at all?

If Swollen Members really wanted to get some press out of this - well, okay, they’re doing all right on that front. What I meant to say was, if Swollen Members really wanted to bring their A game, they would drop their drawers and star in the film themselves. Obviously, they find these women attractive, otherwise they wouldn’t choose them or even do the film in the first place. Secondly, and this is said without any judgement, the women are paid to have sex with whoever’s there, so it’s not like Prevail and company have to worry about rejection. And think about the cred - creating the first raporn (pronounced “rap porn”) ever to star the people who are actually taking all the credit for the video already. But I guess instead for Swollen Members, and for the many other men in the world who fantasize about sleeping with porn stars, it’s going to remain a fantasy. 

Megan Drysdale


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