THE VOICEBOX Vol 45 Issue 22

Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to, or texting (778) 886-5070.

“Vegans are soooo pushy. Just shut up already. Nobody cares about your views! Why can’t they keep it to themselves?”

It’s a very fine line. I’m vegetarian, so I see both sides. I don’t bring up my diet unless it comes up in conversation, or somebody specifically asks me why I’ve chosen to not eat animals. If they ask, I’ll tell them. But I do completely understand what you mean, as I know a handful of obnoxiously over-eager vegans/vegetarians who will not, for the life of them, shut the fuck up about it! We’re all fucking adults. We all made our decision, so why does it even need to be an issue? Years ago, my friend’s boyfriend held a fork full of pork (lol rhyme) in my face and sneered, “MMM I looooove eating dead animals.” Yeah, real classy. Way to prove once and for all that vegetarians are the greater species, Ian, ya dumbass.

“Reggae gets such a bad rep!”

To be fair, Bob Marley is one of the worst musicians of all time. And The Doors. Yuck. I mean, I agree with Bob’s philosophy of peace and understanding and all that bullshit, but in the bigger picture … he probably didn’t really need to bother all of us with his terrible tunes. I went to a wedding once, and no word of a lie, the bride walked down the aisle to the tune of “Jammin'”. It was a bit embarrassing, but mostly hilarious. Even better, another wedding I know featured the song “Angel” by Shaggy as the bride walked down a spiral staircase – and the groom fell down the staircase when it was his turn. Everyone got really nervous – I mean, he could have had a concussion, I guess. But wouldn’t have that made the best story ever? “I had to postpone my wedding because at the ceremony, I went flying down the slippery, waxed, wooden spiral staircase and bonked my head on the floor at the bottom! All while Shaggy was playing!” Apparently, I just associate with a lot of unfortunate people, or people with good comedic timing.

“Would you marry Bon Iver?”

I already did.

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