Look
for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice”
your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your
opinion to voicebox@capilanocourier.com,
or texting (778) 886-5070.
“Vegans
are soooo pushy. Just shut up already. Nobody cares about your views! Why can’t
they keep it to themselves?”
It’s
a very fine line. I’m vegetarian, so I see both sides. I don’t bring up my diet
unless it comes up in conversation, or somebody specifically asks me why I’ve
chosen to not eat animals. If they ask, I’ll tell them. But I do completely
understand what you mean, as I know a handful of obnoxiously over-eager
vegans/vegetarians who will not, for the life of them, shut the fuck up about
it! We’re all fucking adults. We all made our decision, so why does it even
need to be an issue? Years ago, my friend’s boyfriend held a fork full of pork
(lol rhyme) in my face and sneered, “MMM I looooove eating dead animals.” Yeah,
real classy. Way to prove once and for all that vegetarians are the greater
species, Ian, ya dumbass.
“Reggae
gets such a bad rep!”
To
be fair, Bob Marley is one of the worst musicians of all time. And The Doors.
Yuck. I mean, I agree with Bob’s philosophy of peace and understanding and all
that bullshit, but in the bigger picture … he probably didn’t really need to
bother all of us with his terrible tunes. I went to a wedding once, and no word
of a lie, the bride walked down the aisle to the tune of “Jammin'”. It was a
bit embarrassing, but mostly hilarious. Even better, another wedding I know
featured the song “Angel” by Shaggy as the bride walked down a spiral staircase
– and the groom fell down the staircase when it was his turn. Everyone got
really nervous – I mean, he could have had a concussion, I guess. But wouldn’t
have that made the best story ever? “I had to postpone my wedding because at
the ceremony, I went flying down the slippery, waxed, wooden spiral staircase
and bonked my head on the floor at the bottom! All while Shaggy was playing!”
Apparently, I just associate with a lot of unfortunate people, or people with
good comedic timing.
“Would
you marry Bon Iver?”
I
already did.
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