THE VOICEBOX Vol. 45 Issue 21

Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to, or texting (778) 886-5070.

“What’s the point in all this health food that’s going around?”

Aside from the obvious, I’d say, well, maybe there’s something to be said about taking the sweet nectar of the earth (berries and shit), and shoving it into your mouth. I mean, for me personally, it’s a more viable option than the facial injections that some opt for.

I guess ultimately it’s about the big picture rather than the little things. For me, the big picture is about a long-term natural progression into everything sagging down, with a keen attention to doing my best to stop the saggage by buying overpriced products and treatments.

I recently bought a “micro dermabrasion” on Groupon which, to those of you unaware, is a facial treatment in which a woman in a dental hygienist costume comes in and vacuums out your pores while talking to you about the history of skin types. I promise it’s even better than I’m making it sound. Anyway, so this woman starts telling me that the office also offers botox and face lifts, you know, just in case I’m interested. Yeah lady, I know about the bags under my eyes, but let me tell you that they’re only up there because I’m up late at night watching re-runs of The Voice … while drinking my Vega supplement smoothie mixed with Acai berries and spirulina. What up!

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