Look
for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously
“voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include
emailing your opinion to voicebox@capilanocourier.com,
or texting (778) 886-5070.
“Polling
my friends to find out ‘Who is your favourite diva?’ Personally, I gotta go
with my girl Mary J. Blige, but Janet was a close second. So I ask you,
Voicebox, who is yours?”
Wow,
yo. We are in two completely different diva realms. In my 2012 list of “top
divas”, Mary J placed #98 and Janet didn’t even chart! Let me tell you some of
my favourite selections.
#1.
Beyoncé. I can’t believe there is a question, but for those of you who need
confirmation, I would highly recommend laying in your bed in the dark, turning
on “I Miss You”, and counting exactly how many drops of tears exit your
now-emotionally-raw eyeballs. She also coined the phrase “Diva is a female
version of a hustla.” Not certain I agree, but props nonetheless.
#5.
David Bowie. The ultimate man diva! Bowie had a lollipop thrown in his eye at a
concert and his sassy response was “That was my good eye!” What a good sport.
He also wore a Zoo York hoodie on Ellen once, visually declaring, “Look at all
the fucks I give.”
#7.
Shakira. Completely underappreciated on so many levels, but I really don’t know
how one person can simultaneously combine smart, sexy, and endearing. She does
it! I challenge you to contest that. Also, watching the video for “She Wolf” alone
is one of the better choices I’ve made in the 21st century. Legs wide open in a
cage isn’t necessarily setting women ahead, but she’s not a woman she’s a WOLF,
you idiots.
#29.
Kelly Clarkson. Haters gonna hate. I think it’s sufficient to say Kelly looks
like the type of girl who could out-Jagerbomb the best of us, and I’m pretty
down with that. She also refuses to update her wardrobe, and there’s something
about her commitment to early-2000s era “peasant” fashion choices that has gone
so far into embarrassing territory that she’s made it awesome again.
#31.
Alanis Morissette. When I was 13, “Jagged Little Pill” meant the world to me.
It’s still pretty much downright perfect. I saw her in concert the day Obama
was elected, and even years removed from her rage stage, she still swung that
hair around like nobody’s business.
#86.
Kim Carnes. I know absolutely nothing about her other than she sang “Bette
Davis Eyes”, which is the greatest song of all time. That alone is enough for
me to assume she’s awesome.
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