THE VOICEBOX Vol. 45 Issue 17

Look for the Voicebox on Tuesday afternoons in the Birch cafeteria, to anonymously “voice” your “opinion” on any “topic.” Introverted alternatives include emailing your opinion to, or texting (778) 886-5070.

“Hey, what did you think of the Superbowl half-time show?”

While it’s not exactly “fair” for a bunch of people to watch a televised performance and tear it to pieces based on what we see and hear, I will say that the very grainy and delayed version I watched online of the show was complete crap. It would be absolutely redundant for me to sit here and pound out an enraged opinion asking, “Why is Madonna even relevant?” or “Why don’t they get someone who will actually sing rather than lip-synch over her tracks?” My question to you is, “Did you laugh? Was it funny?” Yes, you did. It was therefore successful. A life of LOLs.

“If you hosted Saturday Night Live what would the sketches be like?”

I’m sure it would actually be up to the writers of the show to decide what I would end up portraying. Not to mention Seth Myers took over from Tina Fey as head writer so my options are going to be much less wonderful than they could have been during her reign. That said, here are a list of sketches I would *like* to be a part of:

The Lion King: during which I play a live-action Scar and get to talk about what it’s like to be the King of a desolate wasteland. For the purposes of comedy, the sketch would be based in my hometown of Trail, B.C. Laughs!

Terrible Baby: in which someone plays a really ill-mannered giant baby (always scary) who cannot be tamed by its parents or grandparents. I play a psychic medium who is brought in to tame the baby’s blues, and does so with unconventional methods, such as listening to Rihanna hits and eating prunes.

Major Eyeroll: An unamused student (me) groans and moans over all of their useless classmates’ English oral reports, and the teacher (played by the sexy sexy Jason Sudeikis) gets angry at me for doing so. The real climax of this skit is that I deliver an Operatic tribute to James Frey, and I’m actually the world’s biggest dummy of the whole class! Hilarious!

Cake for Friends: Myself and Andy Samberg deliver a rap/sung “digital short” about making cakes for all of our friends’ birthdays. Guest cameos include Bill Murray and Kid Cudi
The musical guests would be Gwen Stefani and Tony Bennett featuring Kanye West, and Ryan Gosling dancing.

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