Grey’s Anatomy
Shows like this make me want to be a
surgeon. Which is weird, because I hate
hospitals and blood and sharp objects
poking into my arm. Nevertheless, they
really demonstrate how much fun hospitals
can be. You get to wear beautiful white coats
and perform some really quirky surgeries –
and that’s an average Monday! but if that’s a
little too boring for you, just stare lustfully into
McDreamy or McSteamy or McEveryone-
in-this-hospital-is-unrealistically-attractive’s
eyes and he’ll pull you into the elevator and
have sex with you right there. And then you
both get to carry on your way like nothing
happened and go save a life or two. If that’s
not a McDream job I don’t know what is.
surgeon. Which is weird, because I hate
hospitals and blood and sharp objects
poking into my arm. Nevertheless, they
really demonstrate how much fun hospitals
can be. You get to wear beautiful white coats
and perform some really quirky surgeries –
and that’s an average Monday! but if that’s a
little too boring for you, just stare lustfully into
McDreamy or McSteamy or McEveryone-
in-this-hospital-is-unrealistically-attractive’s
eyes and he’ll pull you into the elevator and
have sex with you right there. And then you
both get to carry on your way like nothing
happened and go save a life or two. If that’s
not a McDream job I don’t know what is.
// Samantha Thompson,
doctor of science
doctor of science
The Cambie
God, what is up with this place? First
of all, what’s up with the line?
There’s not even that many people
inside. You guys are just trying to make the
place look popular. Well, stop it. If I wanted
to stand in line I would go to some bro
breedin-ground like Venue. The Cambie
must be where all the Finger Eleven
and Seether fans come to compare tribal
armband tattoos and fight each other for
Affliction t-shirts. Even on a slow night you
have to fight your way through this one
group of a-holes who have decided to stake
out the jukebox for the night. Also, the bath-
rooms are apparently where they shoot the
Saw movies. Everyone, please stop having
birthday parties here.
of all, what’s up with the line?
There’s not even that many people
inside. You guys are just trying to make the
place look popular. Well, stop it. If I wanted
to stand in line I would go to some bro
breedin-ground like Venue. The Cambie
must be where all the Finger Eleven
and Seether fans come to compare tribal
armband tattoos and fight each other for
Affliction t-shirts. Even on a slow night you
have to fight your way through this one
group of a-holes who have decided to stake
out the jukebox for the night. Also, the bath-
rooms are apparently where they shoot the
Saw movies. Everyone, please stop having
birthday parties here.
// Shannon Elliott,
serious artist
serious artist
Jeopardy!
Jeopardy! is the best show on television. I can
participate if I want to and if I get an answer
right I feel good about myself! like the interviews
Alex does with the players after the first
commercial break because he asks weird ques-
tions like, “So, Jimmy, you had quite the bout of
herpes in Namibia in 2006, didn’t you?” The 30
seconds every episode during the Final Jeopardy!
round is the most intense and least intense 30
seconds in any television program ever. Nothing
is happening! but we can’t stop watching! Alex
Trebek is the epitome of the perfect man. He is
smart and well dressed, has a soft sense of humor;
and he is philosophical and multilingual,
plus he has a steady job, and is famous and rich.
And sometimes sports a sexy moustache. Oh,
Alex! Pronounce my name properly! Oh yes!
YES!
participate if I want to and if I get an answer
right I feel good about myself! like the interviews
Alex does with the players after the first
commercial break because he asks weird ques-
tions like, “So, Jimmy, you had quite the bout of
herpes in Namibia in 2006, didn’t you?” The 30
seconds every episode during the Final Jeopardy!
round is the most intense and least intense 30
seconds in any television program ever. Nothing
is happening! but we can’t stop watching! Alex
Trebek is the epitome of the perfect man. He is
smart and well dressed, has a soft sense of humor;
and he is philosophical and multilingual,
plus he has a steady job, and is famous and rich.
And sometimes sports a sexy moustache. Oh,
Alex! Pronounce my name properly! Oh yes!
YES!
// Sarah Vitet,
sex columnist
Jeopardy!
I could go on and on. I will probably write
a novel about why I love Jeopardy one
day. The old lady contestants! Ken Jen-
nings! The period of time during the cred-
its when the losers and the winner all stand
around and talk to Alex. The video clues!
The new 80’s throwback set! When some-
body bets a lot on a daily double then gets it
wrong! When you really don’t like a contes-
tant and you actually will them to lose. When
they win anyway and the old lady contestant
has to go home and you feel sad. When there
is a Canadian contestant on and you root for
them regardless of how cool they are or how
smart they are. When Alex makes inappro-
priate off-colour jokes and you cringe and
think, “Oh, Alex.”
a novel about why I love Jeopardy one
day. The old lady contestants! Ken Jen-
nings! The period of time during the cred-
its when the losers and the winner all stand
around and talk to Alex. The video clues!
The new 80’s throwback set! When some-
body bets a lot on a daily double then gets it
wrong! When you really don’t like a contes-
tant and you actually will them to lose. When
they win anyway and the old lady contestant
has to go home and you feel sad. When there
is a Canadian contestant on and you root for
them regardless of how cool they are or how
smart they are. When Alex makes inappro-
priate off-colour jokes and you cringe and
think, “Oh, Alex.”
// Sarah Vitet,
sex columnist
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