“Pants on the Ground”
In 2001, the city of Atlanta declared Sep-
tember 4 General Larry Platt day, for his
outstanding social activism. After the 62
year-old’s performance of his hit song “pants
on the Ground” on American Idol, I would
suggest a reprise in 2010. Platt’s energetic
and inspired freestyling is not simply enter-
taining – it raises the important social issue of
low riding trousers, and the self-proclaimed
“cool cats” that wear them. This inspiring
message has affected millions, including Brett
Favre and the Minnesota Vikings. Seriously,
if you haven’t seen this yet, check it out. Si-
mon Cowell says, “I have a horrible feeling
that song could be a hit.” I bought the single.
It is spectacular.

// Colin May,

Super Smash Bros. 
The idea to bring together twelve dif-
ferent characters from Nintendo’s
popular gaming franchises is brilliant 
on its own. Eight of these characters
also have their own themed stage including
their games’ classic music, giving the game its
own unique atmosphere. But it’s the game-
play that makes Super Smash Bros so spe-
cial. Simplistic controls make the game easy
to learn, as you’re not required to memorize
ridiculous button combinations. The only
downfall is the short single player mode, as
you can grow rather bored of the game when
playing on your own. This game was made to
be played with others, and can entertain for
hours, as it just may be the best multiplayer
game of the 90’s.
// Shane Gill,
time traveller

The Very Hungry Caterpillar
True: The paper tissue illustrations
in Eric Carle’s book are honest and
likeable. False: Caterpillars eat choc-
olate cake, ice cream, and other snack foods.
What is the message of this story, anyway?
That if you eat a lot of junk food you will feel
sick but then the next day you can redeem
yourself by eating a leaf ? And then enter a
cocoon only to one day break free with ana-
tomically disproportionate wings? It’s com-
plete shite! Who does this hungry caterpillar
asshole think he is anyways? Let’s be real: A
Caterpillar would not eat chocolate cake, ice-
cream, a pickle, swiss cheese, salami, a lolli-
pop, a cherry pie, a single sausage, a cupcake
and a whole slice of watermelon in one day!
Is this some kind of sick subliminal message
to children? What are the true intentions of
this self-professed very hungry caterpillar?
// Jillian law,

Small Font

This makes me so mad. Why would
you want to make the font smaller
than it needs to be? There is a reason
why they invented sizes bigger than 10. By us-
ing small font, you are actually endorsing a
secret plot by some super mad-scientist who
has hair like your dog and whose ‘laboratory’
is actually a single “room” 80,000 feet below
sea level. He toils away, creating smaller and
smaller font sizes, all in an attempt to force
you to squint until your eyes are practically
closed. And the worst part is, he succeeds! All
the time, people shrink down their font size
to something ridiculous like 4.356, and then
they get to feel smart because they think they
just invented a new font size. No, you didn’t.
The evil mad scientist did. And don’t tell me
you use small font to make your text fit all on
one page – that’s what margins are for.
// Samantha Thompson,
apparent old folk

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