Birch, 4th floor

This cozy washroom has two unique
benefits. First, its isolated location
means that there is hardly ever anyone
in there. If you get stage fright (a medical
condition that causes you to not be able to
urinate around others), this is ideal. Secondly,
it happens to be located next to the University’s
administrative offices. That means that
this is potentially the same bathroom that
University President Dr. Greg Lee uses. Are
you currently picturing Dr. Greg Lee on
the toilet? I’ve included a photo of him (see
above) to help you visualize.

Library, 3rd floor

This is another isolated beauty. As far as
I can tell, this floor’s only occupants are
a bunch of nerds who program computer games or some shit.
This floor is, in fact, the main hub of the Capilano
Computer Games Or Some Shit Diploma
Program. My point is that they seem to be
literally locked into their “classrooms”, and
I’m not sure that these facilities ever get used,
period. So if you’re looking for pure, unsoiled
luxury, this is your urination destination.

Maple, Student
Union Lounge

This is actually the worst bathroom on
campus. I’m only including it so that
I can tell you to The main
problem here (besides that it’s unisex, yuck!) is
that it’s so publically located. Since only one
person can use it at a time, everyone who is
in the lounge at the time knows precisely how
long you spend in the washroom. If you’re in
there for a half hour, everyone will know, and
judge you accordingly. Nobody likes someone
who takes long poos. you are a bad person.

Woods Between
Library and Maple


Capilano’s best washroom isn’t really
a washroom at all – these woods are
the home of wonder and adventure,
making them the perfect place to do business.
Each trip to the little boys’ room is less an ob-
ligation than a truly organic evacuation ex-
perience. Just be sure to avoid the seven (seri-
ously, seven) types of deadly poisonous plant
that can be found in these woods. As in, do
not use any of them as toilet paper.

// Giles Roy,
terrible person

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