VICTORIA (CUP) – The threesome is one of the most common sexual fantasies. There's just something so tantalizing about throwing an extra person into the mix.
But threesomes aren't like regular sex, and if you plan on having one, or just hope like hell that you might one day, you need to know what you're getting into.
Following some basic rules will help to make sure your three-way is a success.
Rule #1: There are no rules.
Just kidding.
You should definitely lay out some ground rules if possible beforehand. Although spontaneity is a key factor in a good threesome, everyone has different boundaries and needs.
This rule is especially important if two of you are in a relationship. Make sure you know how far everyone is willing to go. Are you all comfortable with penetration? Oral sex? Kissing? And if you're in a two-men/one-woman or two-women/one-man threesome, are the two people of the same sex comfortable with engaging sexually with each other, or will they both focus on the member of the opposite sex?
Rule #2: Don't fuck your friends.
You can bend this rule if all three participants are single and very confident that the friendship can handle it, but I strongly recommend if you're a couple looking for a third person, find someone you don't have to be around all the time. Seriously, it can get really messy, so try to avoid it.
Rule #3: Make sure no one feels left out.
Remember that when there are three people involved it’s less of a give-and-take situation and more of a share and share alike. If you're having penetrative sex with one person, make sure to caress the other person, look them in the eyes, and talk to them.
If the two other people are busy with each other, find a way to be involved. Kiss them, caress their necks or good bits, give oral sex to one person if the positioning is right, or maybe just masturbate while watching the other two go at it.
Rule #4: Be safe.
Make sure to use separate condoms when penetrating different people, and while giving a hummer either use one hand for each person and keep it that way, or clean your hands with disinfecting gel between partners. Using a dental dam while “dining at the Y” is a good idea too. After all, the only thing you want to take away from a threesome is good memories.
Rule #5: Don't get wasted.
While alcohol is not a bad idea to loosen things up at first, keep your consumption to a minimum. Too much booze will mess with your equipment and your judgment.
Rule #6: Spending the night is probably not a great idea.
Having a threesome is mostly about fulfilling a fantasy, and waking up next to each other in the morning can be awkward. That doesn't mean you shouldn't indulge in a little post-coital cuddling, but then go your separate ways.
This rule is an especially important one to follow if two of you are in a relationship. Chances are you'll need some alone time to process everything that's happened and reaffirm your connection to each other. Make sure to discuss this when laying down ground rules so no one is left feeling rejected.
By Keltie Larter
Nexus (Camosun College)
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